"Logic will get you from A to B.Imagination will take you everywhere."
Albert Einstein
1879-1955, Physicist
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Thought for Today
"Logic will get you from A to B.Imagination will take you everywhere."
Albert Einstein
1879-1955, Physicist
Friday, June 19, 2009
The Old Cowboy
An old cowboy sat down at the coffee shop and ordered a cup of coffee.As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him.
She turned to the cowboy and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'
He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole life breaking colts, working cows, going to rodeos, fixing fences, pulling calves, bailing hay, doctoring calves, cleaning my barn, fixing flats, working on tractors, and feeding my dogs, so I guess I am a cowboy.'
She said, 'I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about naked women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about naked women. When I shower, I think about naked women. When I watch TV, I think about naked women. It seems everything makes me think of naked women.'
The two sat sipping in silence.
A little while later, a man sat down on the other side of the old cowboy and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'
He replied, 'I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian.'
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Sunday, June 7, 2009
Friday, May 22, 2009
The Golf Lesson
"Do you golf, Mike?" Jim asked.
"Not much, but..." I began to tell him three stories I never tire of telling.
***************************
Story #1: Except for a few birds, the course was quiet. It was a great morning for golf: no one ahead to slow me down, no one behind to rush me forward. I looked down the hill. The fifth hole of the nine-hole, par 3 course lay below and one hundred and seventy yards away. The flag hung limp in the still air. A small knoll at the front of the green hid the cup. I checked my score card again. It was definitely a good day. After four holes, I was only six over par.
I grabbed my seven iron, approached the tee, placed my ball, glanced at the flag, and positioned myself. After another look at the flag, I drew my club back and swung. The iron whistled through the air, struck the ball at an angle, and drove it spinning through the air. It started toward the hole, but the spin and aerodynamics took control. I watched helplessly as the ball sliced to the right, away from the hole, and head for the tall grass that separated the fairway from the forest. It slipped between the blades of grass, disappeared, bounced off something hard, and reappeared.
I stood in shock. The ball bounced across the fairway, jumped over a sand trap, leaped onto the green, and headed toward the flag. It disappeared behind the small knoll. I waited for it to reappear. It didn't.
"That must be close to the hole." I thought.
I grabbed my clubs, walked down the hill, and approached the green. My eyes remained focused on the area around the flag. My ball was nowhere in sight, but the cup was still hidden by the knoll. I climbed to the top of the knoll. The cup came into view, but my ball didn't. The green was empty. I didn't think the ball rolled fast enough to go over the edge of the green, but I walked around to the back anyway. My ball wasn't there. I turned and look at the cup again. "It couldn't have?" My heart began to pound as I walked closer to the hole. There was my ball, nestled close to the pin at the bottom of the cup.
It remains the only hole-in-one I ever got. There were no witnesses to my feat.
***************************
Story #2: Jack and I stood at the tee-off to the first hole of an eighteen-hole, par-three course. My best friend took his first shot and came up short of the green. I teed off and watched my ball land a little short and slightly to the right of the green.
Jack's second shot put him on the green, a few feet from the hole. I grabbed my wedge, stood by my ball, and judged the distance. My light swing lifted the ball from the grass in a smooth arc toward the green. It hit the rough at the edge of the green, bounced, rolled smoothly toward the flag, and plopped into the cup for a birdie.
On the second hole, it happened again. I chipped my second shot into the hole. After double-bogeying the third hole, I chipped another one in on the fourth - three birdies in four holes.
My game returned to normal. A double-bogey was something to get excited about. At the eighteenth hole, my first shot placed the ball at the edge of the green. My second shot bounced the ball across the green and into the cup for my fourth birdie of the day.
***************************
Story #3: Don, my neighbor, looked at my ball. "You can take a free drop from there."
"You're right, Don, but the ground is level. I think I'll just shoot it from here."
I swung and lifted the ball in a high arc. I silently cursed. The ball appeared to be headed deep into the brush behind the green. I watched as it climbed higher and lose momentum in the wind. At the highest point in its arc, it lost speed, and dropped straight into the hole, rattling the flag as it did.
Don was shocked. "In my more than forty years of golfing, I have never seen anyone drop a ball into the hole like that. What a shot! It's a birdie too."
I smiled. "Thanks, Don."
***************************
I finished the last story. Jim looked at me. "You sound too good for me to play."
"Actually, I suck at golf." I smiled. "I just told you the best."
What I didn't talk about were all the balls that landed in the woods and didn't bounce out. I didn't mention the trophy I won for the most lost balls in one round. Jim doesn't know I lost the hole-in-one ball in the woods on my next shot, and he doesn't know that the day I got four birdies, my final score was twenty-two over par.
If someone asks me about my life, I used to tell them I had to move seven times between provinces, countries, and states. I would talk about my wife, who died too young, the numerous jobs that ended before I thought they would, and then whine about my money hardships.
It was all negative.
Now I tell the golf story. I loved and married a wonderful woman and shared the rest of her life with her. In the process, we created two children. I moved seven times and got to meet wonderful people and experience things that most can only dream about. I got remarried to an amazing woman and we share a beautiful life together.
Life is hard - life is good. It's how you tell the story.
Now "that" is a golf lesson!
===============================
"Not much, but..." I began to tell him three stories I never tire of telling.
***************************
Story #1: Except for a few birds, the course was quiet. It was a great morning for golf: no one ahead to slow me down, no one behind to rush me forward. I looked down the hill. The fifth hole of the nine-hole, par 3 course lay below and one hundred and seventy yards away. The flag hung limp in the still air. A small knoll at the front of the green hid the cup. I checked my score card again. It was definitely a good day. After four holes, I was only six over par.
I grabbed my seven iron, approached the tee, placed my ball, glanced at the flag, and positioned myself. After another look at the flag, I drew my club back and swung. The iron whistled through the air, struck the ball at an angle, and drove it spinning through the air. It started toward the hole, but the spin and aerodynamics took control. I watched helplessly as the ball sliced to the right, away from the hole, and head for the tall grass that separated the fairway from the forest. It slipped between the blades of grass, disappeared, bounced off something hard, and reappeared.
I stood in shock. The ball bounced across the fairway, jumped over a sand trap, leaped onto the green, and headed toward the flag. It disappeared behind the small knoll. I waited for it to reappear. It didn't.
"That must be close to the hole." I thought.
I grabbed my clubs, walked down the hill, and approached the green. My eyes remained focused on the area around the flag. My ball was nowhere in sight, but the cup was still hidden by the knoll. I climbed to the top of the knoll. The cup came into view, but my ball didn't. The green was empty. I didn't think the ball rolled fast enough to go over the edge of the green, but I walked around to the back anyway. My ball wasn't there. I turned and look at the cup again. "It couldn't have?" My heart began to pound as I walked closer to the hole. There was my ball, nestled close to the pin at the bottom of the cup.
It remains the only hole-in-one I ever got. There were no witnesses to my feat.
***************************
Story #2: Jack and I stood at the tee-off to the first hole of an eighteen-hole, par-three course. My best friend took his first shot and came up short of the green. I teed off and watched my ball land a little short and slightly to the right of the green.
Jack's second shot put him on the green, a few feet from the hole. I grabbed my wedge, stood by my ball, and judged the distance. My light swing lifted the ball from the grass in a smooth arc toward the green. It hit the rough at the edge of the green, bounced, rolled smoothly toward the flag, and plopped into the cup for a birdie.
On the second hole, it happened again. I chipped my second shot into the hole. After double-bogeying the third hole, I chipped another one in on the fourth - three birdies in four holes.
My game returned to normal. A double-bogey was something to get excited about. At the eighteenth hole, my first shot placed the ball at the edge of the green. My second shot bounced the ball across the green and into the cup for my fourth birdie of the day.
***************************
Story #3: Don, my neighbor, looked at my ball. "You can take a free drop from there."
"You're right, Don, but the ground is level. I think I'll just shoot it from here."
I swung and lifted the ball in a high arc. I silently cursed. The ball appeared to be headed deep into the brush behind the green. I watched as it climbed higher and lose momentum in the wind. At the highest point in its arc, it lost speed, and dropped straight into the hole, rattling the flag as it did.
Don was shocked. "In my more than forty years of golfing, I have never seen anyone drop a ball into the hole like that. What a shot! It's a birdie too."
I smiled. "Thanks, Don."
***************************
I finished the last story. Jim looked at me. "You sound too good for me to play."
"Actually, I suck at golf." I smiled. "I just told you the best."
What I didn't talk about were all the balls that landed in the woods and didn't bounce out. I didn't mention the trophy I won for the most lost balls in one round. Jim doesn't know I lost the hole-in-one ball in the woods on my next shot, and he doesn't know that the day I got four birdies, my final score was twenty-two over par.
If someone asks me about my life, I used to tell them I had to move seven times between provinces, countries, and states. I would talk about my wife, who died too young, the numerous jobs that ended before I thought they would, and then whine about my money hardships.
It was all negative.
Now I tell the golf story. I loved and married a wonderful woman and shared the rest of her life with her. In the process, we created two children. I moved seven times and got to meet wonderful people and experience things that most can only dream about. I got remarried to an amazing woman and we share a beautiful life together.
Life is hard - life is good. It's how you tell the story.
Now "that" is a golf lesson!
===============================
The Golf Lesson
by Michael T. Smith
Michael lives and works in Caldwell, Idaho with his beautiful wife Ginny. He writes in his spare time and is currently working on a collection of his stories to be called, "From My Heart to Yours." To read more of Michael's stories go to: http://ourecho.com/biography-353-Michael-Timothy-Smith.shtml#stories
by Michael T. Smith
Michael lives and works in Caldwell, Idaho with his beautiful wife Ginny. He writes in his spare time and is currently working on a collection of his stories to be called, "From My Heart to Yours." To read more of Michael's stories go to: http://ourecho.com/biography-353-Michael-Timothy-Smith.shtml#stories
Monday, April 27, 2009
Summer Cruise Specials!
I found a Somali cruise package that departs from Sawakin (in the Sudan) and docks at Bagamoya (in Tanzania). The cost is a bit high @ US$800 per person double occupancy but I didn't find that offensive.
What I found enticing is that the cruise company is encouraging people to bring their 'High powered weapons' along on the cruise. If you don't have weapons you can rent them right there on the boat. They claim to have a master gunsmith on board and will have reloading parties every afternoon. The cruise lasts from 4-8 days and nights and costs a maximum of $3200 per person double occupancy (4 days).
All the boat does is sail up and down the coast of Somalia waiting to get hijacked by pirates. Here are some of the costs and claims associated with the package.
$800.00 US/per day double occupancy (4 day max billing)
M-16 full auto rental $ 25.00/day ammo at 100 rounds of 5.56 armor piercing ammo at 15.95
Ak-47 riffle @ No charge. ammo at 100 rounds of 7.62 com block ball ammo at 14.95
Barrett M-107 50 cal sniper riffle rental 55.00/day ammo at 25 rounds 50 cal armor piercing at 9.95
Crew members can double as spotters for 30.00 per hour (spotting scope included).
They even offer RPG's at 75 bucks and 200 dollars for 3 standard loads
"Everyone gets use of free complimentary night vision equipment and coffee and snacks on the top deck from 7pm-6am."
All meals included (not alcohol).
Most cruises offer a mini-bar... these gung ho entrepreneurs offer......... get this.....
"MOUNTED MINIGUN AVAILABLE @ 450.00 per 30 seconds of sustained fire"
Sign my ars up!
They advertise group rates and corporate discounts......and even claim "FUN FOR THE WHOLE FAMILY"
They even offer a partial money back if not satisfied....here's some text from the ad.
"We guarantee that you will experience at least two hijacking attempts by pirates or we will refund back half your money including gun rental charges and any unused ammo (mini gun charges not included).. How can we guarantee you will experience a hijacking? We operate at 5 knots within 12 miles of the coast of Somalia. If an attempted Hijacking does not occur we will turn the boat around and cruise by at 4 knots. We will repeat this for up to 8 days making three passes a day along the entire length of Somalia. At night the boat is fully lit and bottle rockets are shot off at intervals and loud disco music beamed shore side to attract attention. Cabin space is limited so respond quickly. Reserve your package before Feb 29 and get 100 rounds of free tracer ammo in the caliber of your choice."
As if all that isn't enough to whet your appetite, there were a few testimonials:
"I got three confirmed kills on my last trip. I'LL never hunt big game in Africa again. I felt like the Komandant in Schindlers list!"---- Lars, Hamburg Germany
"Six attacks in 4 days was more than I expected. I bagged three pirates and my 12 yr old son sank two rowboats with the minigun. PIRATES 0 -PASSENGERS-32! Well worth the trip. Just make sure your spotter speaks English"
----Ned, Salt Lake city, Utah USA
"I haven't had this much fun since flying choppers in NAM. Don't worry ! about getting shot by pirates as they never even got close to the ship with those weapons they use and their shitty aim--reminds me of a drunken 'juicer' door gunner we picked up from the motor pool back in Nam"
----"chopper' Dan, Toledo USA.
"Like ducks in a barrel. They turned the ship around and we saw them bleed and cry in the water like little girls. Saw one wounded pirate eaten by sharks--what a laugh riot!! This is a must do.
---Zeke-Minnahaw Springs Kentucky USA
What I found enticing is that the cruise company is encouraging people to bring their 'High powered weapons' along on the cruise. If you don't have weapons you can rent them right there on the boat. They claim to have a master gunsmith on board and will have reloading parties every afternoon. The cruise lasts from 4-8 days and nights and costs a maximum of $3200 per person double occupancy (4 days).
All the boat does is sail up and down the coast of Somalia waiting to get hijacked by pirates. Here are some of the costs and claims associated with the package.
$800.00 US/per day double occupancy (4 day max billing)
M-16 full auto rental $ 25.00/day ammo at 100 rounds of 5.56 armor piercing ammo at 15.95
Ak-47 riffle @ No charge. ammo at 100 rounds of 7.62 com block ball ammo at 14.95
Barrett M-107 50 cal sniper riffle rental 55.00/day ammo at 25 rounds 50 cal armor piercing at 9.95
Crew members can double as spotters for 30.00 per hour (spotting scope included).
They even offer RPG's at 75 bucks and 200 dollars for 3 standard loads
"Everyone gets use of free complimentary night vision equipment and coffee and snacks on the top deck from 7pm-6am."
All meals included (not alcohol).
Most cruises offer a mini-bar... these gung ho entrepreneurs offer......... get this.....
"MOUNTED MINIGUN AVAILABLE @ 450.00 per 30 seconds of sustained fire"
Sign my ars up!
They advertise group rates and corporate discounts......and even claim "FUN FOR THE WHOLE FAMILY"
They even offer a partial money back if not satisfied....here's some text from the ad.
"We guarantee that you will experience at least two hijacking attempts by pirates or we will refund back half your money including gun rental charges and any unused ammo (mini gun charges not included).. How can we guarantee you will experience a hijacking? We operate at 5 knots within 12 miles of the coast of Somalia. If an attempted Hijacking does not occur we will turn the boat around and cruise by at 4 knots. We will repeat this for up to 8 days making three passes a day along the entire length of Somalia. At night the boat is fully lit and bottle rockets are shot off at intervals and loud disco music beamed shore side to attract attention. Cabin space is limited so respond quickly. Reserve your package before Feb 29 and get 100 rounds of free tracer ammo in the caliber of your choice."
As if all that isn't enough to whet your appetite, there were a few testimonials:
"I got three confirmed kills on my last trip. I'LL never hunt big game in Africa again. I felt like the Komandant in Schindlers list!"---- Lars, Hamburg Germany
"Six attacks in 4 days was more than I expected. I bagged three pirates and my 12 yr old son sank two rowboats with the minigun. PIRATES 0 -PASSENGERS-32! Well worth the trip. Just make sure your spotter speaks English"
----Ned, Salt Lake city, Utah USA
"I haven't had this much fun since flying choppers in NAM. Don't worry ! about getting shot by pirates as they never even got close to the ship with those weapons they use and their shitty aim--reminds me of a drunken 'juicer' door gunner we picked up from the motor pool back in Nam"
----"chopper' Dan, Toledo USA.
"Like ducks in a barrel. They turned the ship around and we saw them bleed and cry in the water like little girls. Saw one wounded pirate eaten by sharks--what a laugh riot!! This is a must do.
---Zeke-Minnahaw Springs Kentucky USA
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